Old Maid Thoughts

At times, I want to be like Emily Dickinson, sitting in her room, writing poetry, a recluse. And yet, after her death, her writing is immortalized.

"EXULTATION is the going
Of an inland soul to sea,—
Past the houses, past the headlands,
Into deep eternity!

Bred as we, among the mountains,
Can the sailor understand
The divine intoxication
Of the first league out from land?"
--Emily Dickinson

But, then there are the hard cold facts--after a week of it, I'd be done. I'd want to see people. I'd want to run outside, feel the weather on my face, explore new places, travel. So, I will never be a reclusive old maid.

Now, I have been accused of thinking of myself as an old maid and almost prophesing it into my life. Yes, this may be partly true. If I say, "Well, I've been having so much fun hangin with God," then some might call that religious fanaticism. Why couldn't there be some kind of program in Evangelical Christianity like Monasticism? I don't ever hear nuns being called old maids or religious fanatics. If I could be even remotely like Mother Theresa, that's who'd I'd like to be. Everyone agrees that she was one amazing lady who really changed the world.

I'm not so sure that I want to change the whole world. If I could be a wife and a mother, I would have the opportunity to influence a few in a powerful way. This, I think, is the best. Who knows, maybe I will be the mother of a president or a nobel prize winner? All these ideas are mixed up in my head and heart...perhaps there is a way to reconcile them all.